Remorse and Reconciliation Read online

  During the early afternoon, the three young women went to the music room to practice and Elizabeth discovered Kitty had started playing the lute. Dr. Stewart played the lute quite well and had offered to teach Kitty to play. She had happily accepted. In the four months since she had been there, she had reached a point where she could accompany herself or Elizabeth when they sang, as long as it was not difficult accompaniment.

  The next thing Kitty and Georgiana wanted to do was take Elizabeth on a horseback ride to see some of the sights around Pemberley, which is when Elizabeth reminded Kitty she did not ride sidesaddle. Her father had trained her to ride astride when she was young, but her mother did not think a woman riding astride was proper, so when she was thirteen, she was no longer allowed to ride unless she rode sidesaddle. But since they did not have a horse trained for sidesaddle riding, she never learned, nor had any of her sisters except Jane, who learned from a friend of hers who had a sidesaddle horse. The girls told her she had to learn if she wanted to be able to see all the sights of Pemberley, but she resisted, saying she would rather walk. But finally, hearing about all the places that could only be reached by horse in a reasonable amount of time, she relented and, that day and the next two days, Georgiana, who had taught Kitty to ride when she first came to Pemberley, taught Elizabeth how to ride sidesaddle. She soon discovered that her experience riding astride when she was young made learning to ride sidesaddle quite easy, and therefore, by the fourth day, they were able to take a rather long ride and she enjoyed it immensely.

  During the next ten days, except on Sunday, when they went to the service at the Kympton church, the girls would generally study using Elizabeth’s curriculum in the morning while Elizabeth spent time in the library or meeting the staff of Pemberley. In fact, Elizabeth and Mrs. Reynolds became quite good friends and Elizabeth greatly enjoyed speaking with her about all the problems of running such a large household. Mrs. Reynolds was happy to have Elizabeth with her as she checked on the staff as they did their duties and did the household accounts with Parker. Elizabeth was astounded at the amount of money Parker and Mrs. Reynolds were given to manage the household. One day she went into Lambton with Mrs. Reynolds to Rodgers Emporium, the largest store in Lambton, to order some supplies. Mr. Rodgers, the owner of the store, was her Aunt Madeleine’s father, and she had visited them twice with her aunt and uncle, the last time being six years earlier. Mr. Rodgers was delighted to see her and asked if she could not join them for dinner some evening. In the end, it was decided she would visit them Sunday morning, go to church with them, and eat Sunday dinner with them.

  In the carriage on their return to Pemberley, Mrs. Reynolds, “So, Mrs. Gardiner, who we knew as Miss Maddie when she was young, is your aunt. She was quite the belle of Lambton, and all the young males were disappointed when Mr. Gardiner gained her love. I have not seen her in years, but I understand she and her husband have become quite successful.”

  “Yes, they have, and they are like a second mother and father to me. I usually spend at least a month and sometimes as long as two months with them in London. They are very genteel people, and their marriage is almost the ideal marriage to me. I pray I can have a marriage as felicitous as theirs."

  “I hope you do not think me impertinent, Miss Elizabeth, but you are beautiful, intelligent, and talented, and I cannot understand why you are not married.”

  “I am afraid I am too intelligent and well-educated for most men. Not only do most of men not want a wife more intelligent or more educated than they are, I find it hard to imagine myself married to a man who is not my equal in intelligence and education. I have come to believe I may never marry, because I have set my standards so high in these areas, and few men meeting those standards exist in my social class.”

  “Surely there are men in higher society who would meet your qualifications and be happy to have a wife of your character and accomplishments.”

  “There may be, but it is unlikely. I have little dowry, no connections, no impressive family tree, and my favorite aunt and uncle are merchants. Furthermore, I have no way to meet such men.”

  “Now that Mr. Darcy is sponsoring your sister, perhaps he could help you find a way to meet such men.”

  “Mrs. Reynolds, the reason I am here now while Mr. Darcy is gone is because he and I do not get along well. I do not think that is a possibility. Maybe if my sister somehow manages to marry a gentleman of higher society, my chances will be raised, but I am not counting on it.”

  Mrs. Reynolds shook her head. “It is a shame, Miss Elizabeth, because the more time I spend with you, the more I understand what a wonderful mistress you would be of any size estate.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds, your approbation is highly appreciated.”

  

  Elizabeth’s Journal: September 28, 1809

  It has been an idyllic ten days. The library is unbelievable. I am there all morning unless I do something with Mrs. Reynolds earlier in the morning. However even on those days, I am in the library by 11:00 so the girls can come to join me before lunch to ask me any questions they might have about their assignments. If they have no questions, we use this time to practice speaking French. After lunch, we go to the music room and practice for an hour or so and then, if it is reasonable weather, we go horseback riding until about 5 o’clock. I have discovered I love to ride and the views from the ridges bordering Pemberley Valley, which can only be reached in a reasonable time by horseback, are magnificent.

  Pemberley is the most beautiful estate I have ever seen and must be one of the most beautiful in all England. Mr. Darcy is an exceptional master. Occasionally, on our rides, we stop to visit some of the tenants, all of whom Georgiana knows. I am quite impressed with them, the quality of the houses and outbuildings provided for them, and how happy they seem to be with their lot. I have no doubt that the staff and tenants of Pemberley are happier than any staff and tenants I have ever met. The thought, that I could have been mistress of Pemberley and threw that chance away, becomes more and more distressing to me every hour I spend here.

  Chapter 9: Jane and Bingley

  One of the tasks Darcy wanted to accomplish while he was in London was to speak with Bingley and tell him what he had learned from Elizabeth. When he called at the townhouse of the Hursts, Bingley’s sister and brother-in-law, no one was there, so he left his card asking Bingley to call on him at Darcy House at his earliest convenience. On September 20, Bingley appeared at Darcy House in the morning, while Darcy was at breakfast.

  “Darcy, it was good to hear from you. I did not think you would be back in town this year.”

  “I needed to meet with my solicitors and banker. And I also needed to see you.”

  “Needed to see me? About what?”

  “Miss Jane Bennet.”

  Bingley’s face showed his unhappiness at hearing the name. “I can assure you, I have not tried to reprise my relationship with her.”

  “I know, but I learned some things I thought you should know. First, I saw her in town in January coming out of the Hurst townhouse, where I assume she had visited your sisters. I had come to see you and was informed you were in Bath visiting your aunt for the week. Miss Bennet did not see me, but I knew it was her. I assumed your sisters told you about her visit, so I never bothered to say anything to you about it. For that I apologize. I also learned from Mrs. Gardiner, her aunt, that your sisters returned her visit two weeks later. I suspect they did not tell you about that either.”

  Bingley’s face turned red. “They certainly did not. Do you suppose she was trying to see me?”

  “According to her aunt, she hoped to see you to discover why you had left with no word to her.”

  Bingley was obviously beside himself in anger. “They will hear about that. What else have you learned?”

  “I happened to meet Miss Elizabeth in Kent when I was there visiting my aunt, and she told me her sister was devastated when you left, because she had fallen in love with you.”

&nbs
p; “But, you assured me she did not love me.”

  “No, if you will recall, I said I could discern no particular feelings for you in her countenance or her manner, and Mrs. Gardiner assured me that Jane has been taught by her mother that she should not let her feelings show in public, which is the only time I ever saw her. I thought if you had seen her differently, you would have told me. I assumed, because you took your sister’s advice, you were not yet truly in love with her. I will admit I also warned you about the unacceptability of her family to the ton, but you had to decide which was more important: marrying Miss Bennet or being a member of the ton.”

  “Do you suppose she still loves me? I have not been happy since that day we left Netherfield. I have not been able to get her out of my mind.”

  “I have no idea, but if you are still interested in her, I would suggest you go to Longbourn and find out for yourself. I know you do not like to confront women about such things, but you will never know unless you ask. Oh yes, I forgot something else Mrs. Gardiner told me. In the note you let your sister write to Miss Bennet, your sister hinted that you were going to London to court my sister, which, of course, greatly discouraged Miss Bennet. If you do manage to find yourself in Miss Bennet’s graces again, I suggest you start controlling your younger sister and stop her schemes to keep you from marrying someone of whom she does not approve.”

  Bingley was silent a long time. Finally he pursed his lips and said, “I still have one month’s lease on Netherfield. I intend to go to Longbourn tomorrow to see Miss Bennet and see how I stand. And should she accept my offer of a courtship, I will not let Caroline anywhere near Netherfield. I will ask my aunt to serve as mistress while I am there.”

  “I think that is a good idea.”

  “Will you come to Hertfordshire with me?”

  “No, I have things to do in town and then must return to Pemberley. I should tell you that Mrs. Annesley resigned and has moved to America to be with her daughter. In her place Georgiana and I invited Miss Catherine Bennet to be Georgiana’s friend and companion, and she and her parents accepted our offer. They are back at Pemberley and the experiment has worked wonderfully. Miss Elizabeth took Miss Catherine in hand after her inappropriate performance at the ball and has caused her to improve greatly. I suspect Miss Catherine will debut with Georgiana next year.”

  “You invited Miss Catherine? I can scarce believe that. You were so disparaging of the Bennet family.”

  “Yes, I was, and I still believe Miss Lydia and Mrs. Bennet are unacceptable, but Miss Catherine has shown herself to be quite responsible and she and Georgiana immediately became the best of friends. Georgiana, who had not laughed for months, seems to be recovering to her old self. In any case, you still must decide on which is more important to you: Miss Bennet or the ton. If you still intend to try to break into the ranks of the ton, you cannot afford to have a wife with a family containing Miss Lydia and Mrs. Bennet.”

  “That choice is simple. I have already given up on the ton. I found it mildly enjoyable being with you at events, but I have discovered that when I am not with you at ton events, my reception is not what it was when I was with you. And Caroline has almost been ignored. If Miss Bennet will have me, I will buy Netherfield and be happy with the society in Hertfordshire.”

  Darcy stood and walked to his friend. Offering his hand, he said, “Then I wish you the best of luck, Bingley. I suggest you go straighten out your sisters and then make a trip to Longbourn as soon as you can. I hate to rush out, but I have to meet my banker in half an hour.”

  “Thank you, Darcy. You have been a good friend. Perhaps I can correct this mess I have made of things.”

  

  Bingley went immediately to the Hurst townhouse and found his sisters in the sitting room. When he walked in the room, Caroline said, “How is Mr. Darcy, Charles? I do long to see him and Georgiana again.”

  “That is highly unlikely, Caroline, for he gave me some highly disturbing information.” He then told her all that Darcy had told her, and as he said it, her face turned ashen. But when he was done, she sat up stiffly and said condescendingly, “We did not think you would want to see her, Charles. Clearly she was sent by her mother to try to win you back. And I thought mentioning Georgiana in the note to Miss Bennet would discourage her from trying what she did.”

  “Caroline, it is not your place to make decisions for me. Nor do I like your tone of voice, implying you know better than I do. I have allowed you to have your way too often. I am going to Hertfordshire this afternoon to see if Miss Bennet will accept a courtship from me. When I return, I am going to our lawyer and instruct him to give you control of your dowry. You will no longer have any allowance from me and must try to live on your dowry. If you live frugally, I am sure you can exist on £29,000 for many years. Perhaps you can find a man to marry you before it runs out, but let me assure you, it will not be Darcy. He has absolutely no interest in you.”

  He then turned and stormed out of the room and went to his room to change. He next went to the kitchen and had the cook prepare him a basket of food so he could eat on the road as he travelled to Hertfordshire. He was on his way by10:30.

  At Longbourn he was met in the entrance hall by Jane, who had seen his carriage pull into the drive. “Good afternoon, Mr. Bingley. It has been many months since I have seen you. May I ask why you are here?”

  Before he could answer, Mr. Bennet came out of the library and said, “Mr. Bingley, what a surprise. Jane, may I speak with him for a moment in my library before he speaks with you?”

  “No, Papa. I would rather deal with this myself, if I may.” She turned to Bingley. “May I assume it is I with whom you wish to speak?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Mr. Bennet looked at Jane for a moment and seeing the determination in her face, nodded his head and said, “Very well, but I would like to speak to him before he leaves.” Mr. Bennet then turned and went back into his library.

  “Come, Mr. Bingley. Let us go into the parlor where we can speak alone.”

  After they were seated at opposite ends of the couch, Bingley said, “I have come to apologize for my sudden departure in November of last year and the actions of my sisters. I have been informed that the note my sister sent to you when we left implied I was going back to London to renew attentions to Miss Darcy. That was certainly not true. I never thought of Miss Darcy as anything but a sister to my friend. I also learned you visited my sisters and they visited you. I was out of town, as they said when you visited them, but they did not tell me about your visit. Also they did not tell me that they visited you at the Gardiners’ house and told you I was still out of town, when I was not. I assure you, had I known you were in London, I would have called on you.”

  “May I ask why you left so suddenly without telling me personally. I thought we had become quite close during the weeks you were here and that I deserved a personal explanation as to why you were returning to London and did not intend to return. Furthermore, I think you knew Caroline did not approve of me and would write a note in such a manner that it would imply I would never see you again. Was that not what you wanted?”

  “I must confess that I left Netherfield so suddenly because I was convinced you did not care for me as I cared for you. The thought devastated me and I decided I could not face you again. I let Caroline write a note because she convinced me it was her duty as mistress. My actions always seemed reasonable at the time, but in retrospect, they were cruel and not the actions of a gentleman. You cannot imagine how sorry I am for what I did.”

  “Mr. Bingley, my feelings for you at the time were such that the first several months after you left were very difficult for me, but I came to the same conclusion you just stated. Your sudden departure without speaking to me first was cruel and definitely not the action of a gentleman. Given your sister’s duplicity, I can forgive you for not returning my call in London, but I find it difficult to forgive you for not making any effort to contact me over the past months. I
will confess that in the past few weeks I have come to believe your departure was fortuitous, because I would not want a husband who might act as you acted. Furthermore, I have come to believe you did not truly love me, because I cannot believe you would have acted that way if you truly loved me. To accept the word of others about my feelings for you, none of whom knew me as well as you did, tells me you may have been looking for an excuse to end the relationship, even if you did not consciously know it.”

  Bingley comprehended he was seeing a side of Jane he had never seen before. This was not the demure, serene Jane he remembered. This was a Jane who was angry and disappointed in his treatment of her, and would undoubtedly not accept either a courtship or a proposal from him unless she was convinced he had changed. He wondered if this experience had changed him as much as she would wish.

  “I can understand your anger, but I assure you, my feelings for you were deeper than I have ever experienced for a woman. Furthermore, I have not been able to forget you, as I thought I might. You asked me why I came here. I came here to propose to you, or at the very least, ask you for a courtship. I have never met a woman whom I thought suited me as much as you.”