Remorse and Reconciliation Read online

  Kitty was silent for a long time, trying to reconcile her view of Mr. Wickham with what Georgiana just told her. “I find what you have told me hard to believe. Mr. Wickham is such a pleasant gentleman. As far as I know, everyone here thinks he is wonderful. Perhaps he has changed in the last year or so.”

  Georgiana truly liked Kitty, but could she yet share her experience last summer with Wickham? She decided she could not, so she responded, “If he has, why has he never been to see his daughter? Also, Will told me he knows of a young woman who barely escaped Mr. Wickham’s scheme to compromise her just last summer. Her guardian discovered his plot and stopped Mr. Wickham before he could completely compromise her. He even managed to make Mr. Wickham admit he was only after the young woman’s rather large dowry and intended to abandon her after her received it. I believe this was before he joined the militia.”

  Again Kitty thought for a while, and finally said, “I still find it hard to believe. However, I do not want this to come between us. I am no longer enamored of Mr. Wickham and hopefully am going to be with you in Pemberley for the foreseeable future. Just forget I said anything about him.”

  “That is fine with me, except you must not think poorly of Will because of him. My brother will be happy to show you the document Mr. Wickham signed when we are at Pemberley. Also, if you talk to the staff at Pemberley, you can hear their stories. Please be willing to believe that my brother is the best brother there is and you will come to love him. How can we be good friends if you dislike the brother I love?”

  Kitty had a dilemma. She liked Georgiana, but had held a dislike of Darcy for so long, she wondered if she could forget that dislike and start over with him. Certainly, Darcy had never been anything but polite to her, but she had observed the look on his face, which seemed to say he knew he was better than everyone else. But then, of course, in many ways, he was. And if Georgiana thought he was so wonderful and Mr. Bingley admired him, perhaps they had all misjudged him. She was certainly willing to try. If she found she could not stand him, she could just return home.

  “You are correct. It would be difficult. Therefore, I will try to forget all the bad things I have heard about your brother and look forward to living with you and discovering his true nature when I am at Pemberley.”

  By mutual agreement they left the subject of Mr. Wickham and began to talk about music. Shortly thereafter, lunch was announced, and they proceeded to the dining room.

  Chapter 4: It is Settled

  When Georgiana and Kitty went down to lunch, Georgiana was introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and Lydia. After they were seated and the meal was served, Mr. Bennet said, “Well, girls, have you decided?”

  “I have decided I want to go with them,” said Kitty

  “And I have decided I would like her to come with us,” said Georgiana.

  Darcy looked at Georgiana, “Therefore, there were no matters of disagreement.”

  “Yes, there was one, but we decided we could work it out. Did we not, Kitty?”

  “Yes, we did.”

  “Where is she going with them?” asked Lydia, clearly upset she was not included.

  “Kitty will be going to Pemberley to live with the Darcys,” said an obviously delighted Mrs. Bennet. “Mr. Darcy wanted Miss Darcy to have a companion her own age to be with her at Pemberley and asked your father if Kitty could go with them. He agreed as long as Kitty agreed. Since she has agreed, she will go. Jane, Mary, and I were informed of it before you returned from the Lucas’.”

  “That is not fair,” cried Lydia. “Why was I not asked too? I am close to her age.”

  “Because they wanted only one, Kitty is older, and it is she for whom they asked,” said Mr. Bennet. “And I do not want to hear another word about it from you, Lydia.”

  “Kitty, how can you….” Lydia started to say when she was interrupted rather firmly by Mr. Bennet.

  “Lydia, stop right there. When I said not another word, I meant it. If you cannot be silent, you may be excused.”

  Lydia glared at him, took her napkin off her lap, slammed it on the table as she pushed back her chair, and stalked out of the room. As she went out the door, she yelled back, “I hate you.”

  Everyone was silent for a moment, looking at the door until Mrs. Bennet said, “Please excuse her, Mr. Darcy, Miss Darcy. She becomes a little too emotional at times. She will be fine in an hour or so.”

  The rest of the lunch went pleasantly and shortly after it was completed, the Darcys and Mrs. Gardiner prepared to return to London. However, before they went, Mrs. Gardiner took Mr. and Mrs. Bennet aside and said, “Lydia’s little tantrum convinces me she might be susceptible to Mr. Wickham’s charms, particularly when she is forbidden from seeing him. I would watch her closely.”

  “Thank you, sister, for your concern,” said Mrs. Bennet. “But she is a good girl. She will not do anything wrong. I still find it hard to believe that pleasant young man is the cad that you and Mr. Darcy say he is, but I will keep an eye on her.”

  “I, on the other hand,” said Mr. Bennet, “have no doubt about Mr. Wickham’s perfidy. If it is necessary, I will not let her out of the house until the militia leaves at the end of the month.”

  On the way back to London, Georgiana said to Mrs. Gardiner, “I am certainly happy it is Kitty you suggested and not Lydia. She is quite undisciplined.”

  “Yes. After the Bingley ball, when Lizzy took Kitty in hand, Jane accepted the challenge of trying to improve Lydia’s deportment and, as you could see, had little success. I pray she will grow out of that temper of hers in a few years. She has been Mrs. Bennet’s favorite for years and has been spoiled. She gets very upset when she does not get what she wants. Just before we left, I warned the Bennets that Lydia might be susceptible to one as charming as Mr. Wickham. A situation like this might cause her to seek his attentions out of spite and I fear what might happen, if she does.”

  “I think your fear is well justified,” said Darcy. “If Wickham learns of her dissatisfaction with her father, he may very well try to take advantage of it and convince her to do something she might not otherwise do. I hope Mr. Bennet can prevent her from seeing Wickham at all before the militia leaves town. I am sure there will be goodbye parties and maybe even a ball given by the Colonel. If she is allowed to attend, I fear for her.”

  “At least Kitty will be safe from him,” said Georgiana. “It is another reason I am glad she will be coming with us.”

  

  On April 12 the Darcy carriage arrived at Longbourn at noon and after a pleasant lunch, Kitty belongings were put in the carriage, she said a tearful goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Bennet, Jane, and Lydia and the Darcys and Kitty started the 4 day journey to Pemberley.

  Darcy’s Journal Entry: April 16, 1809

  The trip from London was quite enjoyable. Kitty is a most exuberant young woman. It is a controlled exuberance now, but she smiles most of the time and seemed to truly enjoy the scenery, the towns we passed through, and the inns in which we stayed. Her attitude was infectious. Even I found myself smiling most of the way home.

  She and Georgie shared the same room in each inn and I know they spent much of each night talking. They were always sleepy-eyed in the morning and usually napped part of the morning rides. Once we reached Pemberley, Georgie, of course, required that Kitty stay in the room which shared a sitting room with her room. During the two days we have been here I have walked by the sitting room a few times and have heard them talking and laughing.

  Georgie told me last evening that Kitty admits she was wrong about me and likes me now. This was a great relief to Georgie, because she said that was their only point of contention back at Longbourn. Kitty disliked me because of what she had heard—not because of how I had treated her. Apparently, the ride from Longbourn and all the conversations we had convinced her I was not such a terrible fellow. Georgie is sure they are going to be great friends, even if they are so different in many ways. I suspect that the longer they are together, the more
they will become alike.

  Mrs. Reynolds told me the staff certainly likes Kitty. She is very friendly towards all of them—perhaps too friendly, but I am sure that will be ironed out in a short time. She seems to be a quick learner. She is probably not as intelligent as Elizabeth, nor does she sing as well—at least not yet. However, she is certainly a talented artist. If she could become as good as she is by teaching herself from books, I cannot imagine how good she could be with instruction from a master. If she stays with us, which seems likely, when we are in London next year, I will see she receives painting instruction from a master or attends classes for painters.

  All in all, I would say Mrs. Annesley’s advice was correct, at least given it is Kitty who became Georgie’s companion. I mentioned something about hiring tutors for them and Kitty showed me the curriculum of study she and Elizabeth had designed for her for the year. It is quite impressive and the library here at Pemberley will certainly help. We have decided that both she and Georgiana will follow the curriculum for the rest of the year and come to me with the questions Kitty would have normally asked Elizabeth. If I cannot answer them or send them to the correct place to find the answers, Kitty will write to Elizabeth for her advice and help. She asked me if I disliked Elizabeth so much that I would not be willing to have her visit Pemberley, and I assured Kitty I did not dislike Elizabeth. I told her it was just that Elizabeth and I did not seem to be able to get along very well. I am not sure how I would react to Elizabeth wandering the halls of Pemberley. Hopefully, it will not be necessary for her to visit.

  Chapter 5: Elizabeth Returns to Longbourn

  After a fine lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Collins, Elizabeth, Mrs. Gardiner, and Cordelia Gardiner prepared to leave Hunsford Cottage and begin the five hour ride to London. Mrs. Gardiner had let her daughter convince her they should make the five hour trip to Hunsford to retrieve Elizabeth, so they would have time together, just the two of them, to talk about the changes the 12 year old girl was experiencing. They would also then have Elizabeth to themselves for five hours on the way back.

  As they were preparing to enter the carriage, Cordelia and Mrs. Gardiner said their goodbyes and entered the carriage, giving Elizabeth time to say her final farewells. She thanked Mr. Collins for his hospitality and then hugged her friend, hating to leave her, knowing Charlotte’s life was only tolerable. Elizabeth and Charlotte had been good friends for years until Charlotte had married and moved away from Meryton and this was the first time they had seen each other since she left four months earlier. Both had tears in their eyes, knowing it might be at least another year before they would see each other again. Elizabeth promised to return if she could.

  When they were finally underway, Mrs. Gardiner said, “I have some news from Longbourn which I believe you will find astonishing. Last Monday I went to Longbourn with Mr. Darcy and his sister, Georgiana, to speak with your parents.”

  Elizabeth gasped. “Surely,” she thought to herself, “he did not want to speak to my father about forcing me to marry him. No, that cannot be it. He was too angry at me when he left.”

  “Mr. Darcy and his sister? What possible motive could they have for wanting to visit my parents?”

  “It seems his sister suffered some traumatizing event last summer and has had trouble recovering from it.” She then related to Elizabeth her meeting with Mr. Darcy, their decision to approach Kitty and Mr. Bennet to see if Kitty would like to live with the Darcys and be Georgiana’s friend, and the subsequent meetings at Longbourn, including Lydia’s tantrum at the table.

  “Therefore, Lizzie, when you return home, Kitty will not be there, nor is she likely to ever live there again, if she and Miss Darcy become as close as I believe they might. Also, Mr. Wickham’s accusations against Mr. Darcy were brought up, and Mr. Darcy, to both my and your father’s satisfaction, refuted all Mr. Wickham had told people and gave us the true account of the matter. I am sorry if it upsets you to learn it, but I fear you and others in Meryton have been duped by Mr. Wickham and should accept he is not the good man you all thought he was. I hope you have not become too involved with him. I know you favored him at Christmas.”

  Elizabeth found it difficult to believe Darcy would choose Kitty to be Georgiana’s companion and would be willing to treat her almost like a sister. That he should be willing to spend so much money on her and give her a dowry absolutely amazed her. It was true Kitty had improved greatly over the past months, but Darcy had been so disgusted with Lydia and Kitty at the ball, she found it hard to believe he would even consider her as a potential companion for his sister. And that he had been able to convince her aunt and her father of Wickham’s perfidy certainly made her even more ashamed she had been so taken in by him. She had always thought she was such a good judge of people. It was more proof of her misplaced pride.

  “You look so grim, Lizzie,” said Cordelia. “Did you truly like Mr. Wickham so much?”

  She looked up, startled. “What?” and realized she had not responded to her aunt’s revelations. “Oh, no, Leah. I had already begun to understand he was not the gentleman I thought he was. I have actually been trying to think how to warn people about him. However, what I was cogitating so long was the unbelievable selection by Mr. Darcy of Kitty. It is hard for me to believe the Mr. Darcy I thought I knew would select someone of our family, which is so far below his, to be his sister’s friend.”

  “I think you may have to revisit your dislike of him, Lizzie. I found him to be an exceptionally personable and interesting man in the time I spent with him going to and from Longbourn and he is the most devoted brother you can imagine. Miss Darcy is a beautiful, shy young lady who is quite unsure of herself at the moment. When we were in your father’s library and Kitty and Miss Darcy came in from their walk, Darcy heard his sister laugh as she went by the door and I am sure Mr. Darcy had tears in his eyes when he told us that was the first time he had heard her genuinely laugh since the incident last summer. When your father asked him about the incredible expense it would be for him to clothe Kitty as befits a woman of the ton and give her a dowry, he said he would gladly spend five times as much if it would make his sister happy.”

  “I have been discovering I am not as good a judge of character as I thought I was. I now believe there is only so much goodness between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham, and it seems it all resides in Mr. Darcy. I fear I let my pride affect my judgement and it led me astray.” She then described to them the incident at the assembly and her growing dislike of Mr. Darcy, all based on her reaction to that one remark.

  “I fear I have been the pot calling the kettle black. I have accused him of too much pride, and it seems it is I who has too much pride. Hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes, Leah. Do not make judgements until you know the full story. They can lead you astray.”

  “I know everybody makes mistakes, Lizzie. I still hope I can be like you when I am your age.”

  “You know, Lizzie, I am surprised you were so disturbed by Mr. Darcy’s remarks. You have always been so sure of yourself. Why do you suppose you did not just shrug off his remarks as you usually do such remarks?”

  “I have asked myself that question, Aunt Madeleine, and I have not found an answer I like.”

  “And what answer have you found you did not like?”

  “When I first saw him, I thought him a fine looking man and hoped he would ask me to dance. Not only did he insult me, but he did not ask me to dance, and I guess I could not forget both. I wanted him to like me and when he did not, I decided I would dislike him, no matter what I later learned about him. I think from that point, I listened to all the bad things said about him and ignored the good things. I was not being rational, which is a characteristic I think I always have. I had an emotional response, and I still am not sure why.”

  “Had you ever had such a reaction to a man before?”

  “No, I have not, and that is what disturbs me. Why did I react so to him? I do not even want to imagine what it might mean, because I fear it would
depress me.”

  Mrs. Gardiner shook her head and chuckled. “You will have to face it someday and put it to rest, for I fear it is unlikely whatever you might have imagined will come true.”

  “I do not understand what you are talking about,” said Cordelia. “What would you imagine, Lizzie? And why can it not come true?”

  “Ask me or your mother when you are a little older, Leah. Then you will understand better.”

  “Oh, I hate that answer. No matter what age I attain, there always seem to be questions I ask to which the answer is wait until you are older. When will I be old enough to be able to understand answers to all my questions?”

  Both Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner could not help but chuckle. “Leah,” said Elizabeth. “I am afraid there is no such age.”

  The next day, the Bennet carriage was at the Gardiners to take Elizabeth back to Longbourn. Obviously her father had been anxious for her to return. And she was happy it was, for she needed to unburden herself with Jane. Perhaps Jane could help her in her dilemma.

  Elizabeth’s Journal Entry: April 11, 1809

  It is hard to believe it has already been a week since I made what might have been the biggest mistake of my life. My pride may have caused me to lose the only man I have ever met with whom I might have a happy marriage. I wrote only a week ago that Mr. Darcy and I could not be compatible and that we would have a contentious, unhappy marriage. In that week my opinion has reversed and now I regret my refusal of his proposal, which I am sure will never be repeated. My aunt and niece have made me comprehend that from the first moment I saw Mr. Darcy, I felt he might be my perfect match, but when he ignored me and said I was only tolerable looking, it so upset me, I determined not to like him. I should have known my inability to brush off his remarks as unimportant meant I was, in fact, strongly attracted to him. I have been a fool.